The Most Screwed Up Thing You've Ever Read!!!
by Hostiledude
Summary: This IS the most screwed up thing you'll ever read... (i promise!) So read it!!!
1. Default Chapter

Twisted, Messed Up, And Insane Anime Fic  
  
DISCLAIMER: All the anime characters in this fic do not belong to me by any stretch of the imagination, nor do they likely belong to you. However, the MHC characters belong to the actual Council members and I own anyone from my manga, "The Beer Baron." Anyone who attempts to use these characters without my permission shall die a horrible, horrible death at the hands of the MHC.  
WARNING: This fic contains VIOLENCE, ADULT CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE, LIME CONTENT, and DRUG PROMOTION. If you have something against that, then please leave at this moment. (Nobody actually leaves because of these warnings.)  
NOTE: Don't kill people and think that I'll just appear and revive them-- I won't!!! Reincarnation is a very difficult process and requires many skilled mages and quite a bit of time. If anything, I'd probably revive them as an undead monster with Necromancy and have them smite you for being so stupid.  
NOTE2: E-mail me at  
hostiledude666@hotmail.com  
Hate mail and flames are always appreciated!  
NOTE3: Arigato for actually reading all this shit...  
Sincerely,   
  
Supreme Imperial Kaiser Knight Templar Warrior Mage Exalted Fuhrer Overlord Hostiledude  
  
  
TWISTED, MESSED UP, AND INSANE ANIME FIC  
  
[Cloud Strife, Vegeta, Ryoko, Son Goku, Jim Hawking, and Link were wandering out on the street at midnight for no reason.]  
  
Goku: Have you guys seen any restaurants?  
  
Vegeta: You fool! Can't you think about something else?!  
  
Ryoko: Why are we out here, anyway?  
  
Link: We decided to go out and look for some prostitutes...  
  
Vegeta: and you followed us for no apparent reason!  
  
Ryoko: I want gay sex, but not with you hentais watching!  
  
Jim: You can go ahead and leave, but look out for the man-eating sock!  
  
Vegeta: What the hell are you talking about, boy?!  
  
Goku: Not that old legend! I'm gonna start eating people if we don't get some food soon!  
  
Vegeta: You are so weak, Kakarott!  
  
[Ryoko sighs and flies away, supposedly going back to the base.]  
  
Jim: She's doomed...  
  
Link: You and your damned theories!  
  
Jim: [pulls out a magazine] But it says the sock exists right here!  
  
Cloud: The Swiss Cross-Examiner??? You read that shit?!  
  
Jim: They wouldn't print it if it wasn't true...  
  
Vegeta: You're even more stupid than Cloud!  
  
Cloud: Yeah!  
  
[Cloud suddenly frowns.]  
  
Cloud: Hey! That was an insult, wasn't it!  
  
[Suddenly a really hot prostitute not wearing very much clothes walks by.]  
  
Link: Helllloooo, nurse!  
  
Vegeta: [pushes Link to the side]   
  
[Vegeta is about to do something when suddenly they hear Ryoko screaming.]  
  
Jim: So the giant sock attacks... 


	2. Damn, this is weird...

Twisted, Messed Up, And Insane Anime Fic  
  
DISCLAIMER: Some characters belong to me, most don't. Don't fuck with my characters or I'll mess you up...  
WARNING: This fic contains a lot of bad stuff...  
NOTE: hostiledude666@hotmail.com  
  
TWISTED, MESSED UP, AND INSANE ANIME FIC- chapter two  
  
[Cloud, Vegeta, Goku, Link, Jim, Tenchi, Chief Wiggum, Bob, SkullLord, and Aisha stood over the corpse of Ryoko.]  
  
Cloud: If the sock did it, why wasn't she fully devoured?  
  
Jim: The sock is a *man-eating* sock, not a woman-eating sock!  
  
Wiggum: The wounds are weird. Looks like she got bit in the neck.  
  
Vegeta: You're incompetent! Her throat is open! Of course she got bit in the neck!!!  
  
[Piccolo suddenly somersaults in with a frog chasing him.]  
  
Frog: Returneth the masamune to me, green one!  
  
Piccolo: Who are you calling green one?  
  
Frog: You.  
  
Piccolo: Okay, thank you for clarifying that.  
  
Jim: Concentrate, you guys! We have to stop the sock.  
  
Prostitute: I know who did it.  
  
[Vegeta walks up to her and holds her up by her neck.]  
  
Vegeta: Who did it, wench?  
  
Prostitute: [points at someone] It was him!  
  
[The person that she pointed at was a fat American balding ape known as Homer Simpson.]  
  
Homer: D'oh!  
  
Jim: So you're confessing?  
  
Homer: Okay, I'll tell you everything! My son is El Barto!  
  
Wiggum: We've been after that guy for months! Thank you for cooperating. You shall now be released.  
  
Goku: You traded in a murder suspect for a graffiti suspect?!  
  
Wiggum: Yep.  
  
Goku: Great idea. I would never have thought of that!  
  
[Everyone falls over in an anime fashion.]  
  
Tenchi: You got rid of our only lead! Now how will we find who killed Ryoko!  
  
Vegeta: Nobody cares but you, feeble boy!  
  
Tenchi: [draws the Tenchi] Beat this!  
  
Vegeta: [Throws away Tenchi's drawing.] Weakling!  
  
Tenchi: [crying] I worked hard on that! It's hard to draw a weapon...  
  
Jim: I think the sock monster ate the guy with the spikey hair...  
  
[Tifa flies up on the flying nimbus and jumps to the ground.]  
  
Tifa: Cloud died?!  
  
[Everyone stares at Tifa.]  
  
Tifa: Do I have something in my teeth? [realizes that she forgot to dress]  
  
Nelson: Haha!  
  
Aeris: For heaven's sake, put some clothes on, you gaishou! 


	3. Chapter 4... I mean 3... i think I've ha...

Twisted, Messed Up, And Insane Anime Fic  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't take my characters or I'll kill you!  
WARNING: This fic has some bad stuff in it...  
NOTE: Do drugs!!!  
NOTE2: E-mail me at  
hostiledude666@hotmail.com  
  
  
TWISTED, MESSED UP, AND INSANE ANIME FIC- chapter three  
  
[Tifa and Aeris are about to start fighting when Vegeta warps in and knocks both their asses out cold. Then he starts to rape the naked Tifa.]  
  
Frog: Was such violence necessary? You should show courtesy to women...  
  
Vegeta: [fondling Tifa's breasts] Can't hear you, green guy!  
  
Piccolo: [somersaulting around] Are you talking to me?  
  
Frog: I'm not leaving until I get the masamune...  
  
Sephiroth: [falling from the sky] Here's your masamune!  
  
[Sephiroth stabs frog with the masamune, killing him. Then he walks over to Aeris' limp form and cleaves her in half.]  
  
Goku: Hey, what are you doing?!  
  
[Suddenly the man-eating sock flies out of a shadowy alley and chomps down on Goku, swallowing the Saiyajin in one bite.]  
  
Jim: That's it!  
  
Link: Time to prepare for battle!  
  
[Link initiates a battle with the sock by himself.]  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[FFVII Battle Screen appears.]  
  
Link- 1320/1320 HP -- 80/80 MP  
  
[Link slashes sock (902)]  
  
Link: How do you like that?  
  
[Sock whips Link viciously (5409)]  
  
[Link faints.]  
  
[Battle Screen Fades Away.]  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Vegeta: [stops sucking on Tifa's pussy] You wimp! You lost!!!  
  
[The sock eats Link in the same manner that it did Goku.]  
  
Jim: I told you guys it was a sock! [holding up his magazine]  
  
Barret: Shut up about da' fucking magazine, foo'!  
  
[The sock laughs evilly and flies back into the shadowy alley from whence it came.]  
  
Pikachu: Pika?  
  
Tenchi: What? Not Pokemon!!! I challenge the writer of this fic to a duel for this dishonor!!!  
  
[Hostiledude appears in a cloud of smoke.]  
  
Hostiledude: So be it...  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[FFVII Battle Screen appears]  
  
Tenchi- 5400/5400 HP -- 256/256 MP  
Aeka- 4500/4500 HP -- 580/580 MP  
  
[Tenchi tries to slash Hostiledude but misses (0)]  
  
[Aeka summons Azaka and Komidakae to zap Hostiledude (+5000)]  
  
Hostiledude: Fools! You thought you could defeat the author!  
  
[Hostiledude strikes Aeka (9999x50)]  
  
[Aeka has fainted.]  
  
Tenchi: That's it! No more Mister Nice Guy!  
  
[Tenchi Casts 'Juraiian Power' on Hostiledude (14)]  
  
Hostiledude: That was the true power of Juraii? Though I find it quite impressive that you could even touch me, I believe that this duel is over.  
  
Tenchi: I'm sorry, Ryoko.  
  
[Hostiledude PURGEs Tenchi (eradication)]  
  
[Battle Screen Fades Away]  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


	4. Look at the pretty colors....!

Twisted, Messed Up, And Insane Anime Fic  
  
DISCLAIMER: What's mine is mine...  
WARNING: This fic contains some fucked up stuff...  
NOTE: Never pet a flaming dog...  
NOTE2: Flame me at   
hostiledude666@hotmail.com  
  
TWISTED, MESSED UP, AND INSANE ANIME FIC- chapter four  
  
Vegeta: Why don't you just kill the sock? [eats a banana]  
  
[Hostiledude disappears in a cloud of smoke.]  
  
Piccolo: [somersaulting around] Why did you just eat a banana?  
  
Vegeta: [starts screaming like a chimp and eats another banana]  
  
Heero Yuy: He's turning into a monkey! Run!  
  
[Everyone takes off in different directions for no apparent reason. But somehow they all end up in the same place.]  
  
Sephiroth: What the hell?! We all took off in different directions and ended up in the same place!  
  
Jim: Not quite. I don't see Piccolo here.  
  
[Suddenly Piccolo comes somersaulting in.]  
  
Piccolo: Help! The sock is coming after me!  
  
[Instead of the sock, Vegeta comes running in like a monkey.]  
  
[Annoyed, Sephiroth slays him.]  
  
Wiggum: Was that murder that I just saw?  
  
[Sephiroth hands Wiggum a box of doughnuts.]  
  
Sephiroth: Keep your mouth shut about it, eh?  
  
Kiyone: Stop right there in the name of the galaxy police!  
  
[Everyone sighs.]  
  
Gene: Well, it would have helpful if you got here before the sock started killing people!  
  
Mihoshi: Oh my God! A man-eating sock?!  
  
Kiyone: [sweat drop] Mihoshi, there's no such thing as a...  
  
[The sock flies in and smacks Kiyone, sending her into the nearest wall.]  
  
[Vincent climbs out of a coffin that was in the street for some reason.]  
  
Vincent: Would you guys shut up? You're loud enough to wake the dead!  
  
[The sock charges toward Vincent but is knocked out of the way by two figures in Saiyajin armor.]  
  
Radditz: We heard that the two Saiyajins were killed.  
  
Nappa: So we figured that you could use some replacements.  
  
Sephiroth: Don't we already have enough weaklings here?  
  
Nappa: No. That's why we went to the trouble of bringing the Ginyu Force!  
  
Gene: Damnit! Now this is just getting annoying!  
  
Ginyu: Finally I have my body back, thanks to Hostiledude!  
  
Sock: Have you forgotten about me?  
  
Guldo: That thing can talk?!  
  
Sock: I wouldn't be talking, three eyes!  
  
Jeice: Ha! He called you three eyes, mate!  
  
Everyone: [laughs] Three eyes!!!  
  
Sock: Prepare for the final battle!!! 


	5. The decisive Battle!!!

Twisted, Messed Up, And Insane Anime Fic  
  
DISCLAIMER: Thou shalt not steal my characters...  
WARNING: Contains bad stuff...  
NOTE: Check out Burninwulf's fics  
NOTE2: E-mail me at  
hostiledude666@hotmail.com  
  
TWISTED, MESSED UP, AND INSANE ANIME FIC- conclusion  
  
Ginyu: We'll fight first!  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[FFVII Battle Screen Appears]  
  
Ginyu- 30000/30000 HP -- 20000/20000 MP  
  
Jeice- 6500/6500 HP -- 2500/2500 MP  
  
Recoome- 13000/13000 HP -- 5000/5000 MP  
  
Berter- 9000/9000 HP -- 3000/3000 MP  
  
Guldo- 2500/2500 HP -- 1000/1000 MP  
  
[Ginyu punches Sock (9999)]  
  
[Jeice hits Sock with his Fireball attack (9999)]  
  
[Recoome headbutts Sock (5890)]  
  
[Berter punches Sock (3980)]  
  
[Guldo lifts a building and throws it on Sock (6720)]  
  
Sock: Enough playing around!  
  
[Sock's DEFENSE, SPEED, and ATTACK rise greatly!!!]  
  
[Sock smacks Guldo (3578)]  
  
[Guldo has been killed!!!]  
  
[Ginyu punches Sock (9999)]  
  
[Jeice kicks Sock repeatedly (2139)]  
  
[Sock whips Jeice viciously (3100)]  
  
[Sock casts ULTIMA on Jeice (9999)]  
  
[Jeice has been killed!!!]  
  
Ginyu: This guy is tougher than I thought!  
  
Berter: Aye, he already got Guldo and Jeice!  
  
Recoome: Time to go all-out!!!  
  
[The stats of the Ginyu Force all increase dramatically.]  
  
[Ginyu renzo-punches Sock (9999x5)]  
  
[Recoome Scottish Hammers Sock (9999)]  
  
[Berter unleashes a massive ki blast (9999)]  
  
[Sock casts ULTIMA on Berter (9999)]  
  
[Berter has been killed!!!]  
  
[Ginyu blasts away at Sock (9999x7)]  
  
[Recoome punches Sock (8750)]  
  
Sock: Weakling! Watch this!  
  
[Sock casts ULTIMA2 on Recoome (9999x2)]  
  
[Recoome has been killed!!!]  
  
Ginyu: Time for a real battle!  
  
Sock: Just try to challenge my true power!  
  
[Sock powers up once again.]  
  
[Ginyu punches Sock (9999)]  
  
[Sock casts ULTIMA3 on Ginyu (9999x3)]  
  
Ginyu: I still have 3 HP left!  
  
[Sock whips Ginyu (5690)]  
  
[Ginyu is dead!!!]  
  
[Battle Screen Fades Away...]  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[Everyone backs away from the Sock.]  
  
Gene: This guy's way out of our league...  
  
Jim: I told you he was tough!  
  
Kiyone: I think we should call for backup...  
  
Radditz: He killed Ginyu in two hits?! Impossible!!!  
  
[Hostiledude appears in a cloud of smoke.]  
  
Hostiledude: I have the solution to your problem! First I shall revive Goku and Vegeta! Then I shall take off the restrictions on the amount of damage that you can do in one attack! Finally, if all else fails, I'll go in there and kill him for you!  
  
[Goku and Vegeta suddenly appear in a blinding red light.]  
  
Vegeta: Let's thrash this weakling, Kakarott!  
  
Kakarott: Yeah!  
  
Sock: You'll all die!  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[FFVII Battle Screen Appears]  
  
Goku- 12000000/12000000 HP -- 7000000/7000000 MP  
Vegeta- 15000000/15000000 HP -- 9000000/9000000 MP  
Hostiledude- 15000000000000/15000000000000 HP -- infinite/infinite MP  
  
Sock: What?! Those stats are impossible!!!  
  
Hostiledude: Shall we see how tough you are?  
  
[Hostiledude casts scan on Sock]  
  
Sock- 812537/1000000 HP -- 500000/750000 MP  
  
All but Sock: HAHA!!!  
  
Hostiledude You're so weak, you won't even present a challenge!  
  
Sock: Oh, damn...  
  
[Hostiledude, Vegeta, and Goku all strike Sock at the same time (100000018000000)]  
  
[Sock is dead and completely disintegrated.]  
  
[Battle Screen Fades Away]  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************  
On the next 'Twisted, Messed Up, Insane Anime Fic,' everyone celebrates the defeat of the evil sock. But it seems that the Angel of Death doesn't like Hostiledude reviving people and challenges him to a battle, one immortal versus another. It's an exciting battle you won't want to miss, next time on 'Twisted, Messed Up, Insane Anime Fic!!!  
************************************************************************** 


	6. Not the end... but the beginning!!!

Twisted, Messed Up, And Insane Anime Fic  
  
DISCLAIMER: Only a few of these characters belong to me. The rest can go to hell. Anyone attempting to steal my characters without permission will be sentenced to an excruciatingly painful crucification administered by the MHC.  
WARNING: This fic contains many bad things. If these offend you, go to hell!  
NOTE: You can E-mail me at  
Hostiledude666@hotmail.com  
  
TWISTED, MESSED UP, AND INSANE ANIME FIC- part two/chapter one  
  
[All the characters from the first fic are having a celebration over the defeat of the giant man-eating sock. All the characters who died have been revived by the almighty Hostiledude.]  
  
Hostiledude: That weakling wasn't even worth our time!  
  
Jim: What do you mean? He defeated the entire Ginyu Force!  
  
Vegeta: Ha! Kakarott and I could have beaten him in one hit!  
  
Homer: It sure is a good thing that Hostiledude can revive you.  
  
[Suddenly the ground next to them explodes in a giant rush of infernal energy and a large cloaked figure floats out.]  
  
Hostiledude: What?! That ki is impossible!!!  
  
Cloaked Figure: I am the Angel of Death! The Grim Reaper!!!  
  
Link: Well, what do you want with us?  
  
Death: You should be dead right now...  
  
Jim: Well, we aren't! So go to hell!!!  
  
Death: That is where you will go, mortal!  
  
[Death swings his scythe and cleaves Jim's soul out of his body, sending it to the underworld.]  
  
Death: All of you who should be dead shall surrender to me!  
  
Vegeta: I surrender to no one!!!  
  
[Vegeta punches Death, but his soul is destroyed when he comes in contact with him.]  
  
Hostiledude: Fools! Stay away from him! No mortal can touch the Angel of Death and survive!!!  
  
Death: I see at least one of you has some intelligence...  
  
Hostiledude: But I have authorey powers too! In fact, the only reason that you're here is because I decided to include you in my fanfic!  
  
Death: What?! I was manipulated?  
  
Ryoko: Yeah, you weakling!  
  
[Death obliterates Ryoko's soul, shattering her very being.]  
  
Death: I will not be manipulated! I demand a fight with you!  
  
Hostiledude: An immortal versus immortal? This could get interesting!  
  
Death: [grips his scythe] I shall not lose!  
  
  
  
  
In the next 'Twisted, Messed Up, And Insane Anime Fic' Hostiledude faces off against the Grim Reaper! You can count on this being a great battle! But will the people of Earth (and the planet itself) be able to withstand being near such awesome energies clashing? Your guess is as good as mine! Next time on 'Twisted, Messed Up, And Insane Anime Fic'!!! 


End file.
